Do you know these TV-programs or youtube-clips where someone is being surprised by fulfilling a lifetime wish, or where someone sees a long a relative or dear friend form very long ago?
The deep endless joy, the tears of gratitude, the disbelief: “who am I that this is happening to me?”
By lack of a better word, I will call it imploding gratitude.
Imploding, because it is the opposite of the outward-reaching joy from someone who wins a TV-quiz (though even in that case I have seen people implode)
Imploding, because after the inhalation of surprise, comes a deep breathing-out, more air leave the longs than there was being breathed in. And wit that breathing-out, the tears will come.
Just so you know what feeling I mean when I write “Imploding Grattitude”.
I want to talk about self-love.
You’ve got that one already.
You learned that. Maybe you did a course or a workshop. You know the one where you make a list of all your qualities. And with a little bit of luck, you started to believe them.
And that was great, because it balanced the unworthiness, that has, for such a long time, been stuck on you, like chewing gum under your shoes.
And maybe you did a collage, cutting images form magazines and presenting it, feeling proud because of the nice comments you got.
So, you’ve got this self-worth in your pocket, maybe you even have your pitch ready.
But the chewing gum is still there.
You’ve put yourself in the light, but you are painfully aware of your shadow. And when you are being overstimulated, this shadow comes creeping in, and overtakes you.
Those are the moments you need your inner fan.
Your inner fan can tell you that you are always brilliant.
Your inner fan can tell you that it doesn’t depend on your list of qualities.
Your inner fan can tell you that it isn’t about what you do, but about who you are.
Your inner fan can tell you that especially the parts that make you feel ashamed of yourself, are so beautiful.
Those are the things you don’t dare to believe yet.
Yeah, you already got all that, but that only makes you feel worse: if you get this, why can’t you feel it?
Your inner fan holds you, she doesn’t need that many words, she rocks you gently, and then . . .
You feel the Imploding Gratitude.
The deep breathing out and the tears form afar.
If you can feel that, you know what self-love is.
That is the feeling I wish you to have.
That is why I want so dearly for you to meet your inner fan.