Sometimes I feel guilty and a coward.
Last year at 55 I came out as transgender. You could say I waited to see if it was safe outside. But is was my subconsciousness that did that.
Last year was the fist time in my life I saw myself as transgender, consciously. I hid it so well. I hid it even for myself. O, yes, with hindsight there have been signals, but I was too good at ingnoring them.
I feel guilty when I think of all these courageous people who have led the way, fought the battles, stil fight the battles.
Shouldn’t I have been among them?
No, because I couldn’t.
So here is to all the silent ones.
The ones who just were too damn good at hiding.
We made that our second nature.
We made that us, so perfect that we believed it ourselves.
We weren’t cut out for the fighting the confrontations, we were surviving, the only way we knew.
If you are like me:
I would like to say:
You are brave! ,
Allways have been. You survived, that is a hell of a job, being different.
And yes we owe so very much to the ones who led the way, but we don’t have to feel guilty.
We can feel proud of the fact that we are here.
You are beautiful, you are you, even if you are still hiding out. Take your own time, you are beautiful either way, thank you for being there.
Love,
Emma